掩沒了我
湧溢在我心中
歡樂的潮水
來自你心底的愛
只留著感謝的眼淚 接受著
我也不能思考
寂靜之中
我沒有歌唱
在你傍晚的禮拜裡

* 於查經班後記

子粒在泥土裡已經幾個月了, 他還是沒有任何的生氣。然而有一天他受到春雨的滋 潤和上頭陽光的呼喚時, 他底潛在的生命便會發生作用, 迎著陽光向上長, 這是他 的目標, 他的一切充滿著生氣。

『查經班沒有目標所以不夠活潑生動。』有一次在禱告會中婉提及某城團契的青年 弟兄姐妹們要求神加添他們得救的人數; 他們以此為工作和禱告的目標以致外人都 感到團契充滿了朝氣。結果 神也真的加給他們要求的人數。我私底下認為查經班在 校園中的見證不夠清楚和肯定, 而另一反面今年有很多新來的弟兄姐妹 - 有什麼辦 法可以使大家的認識加深以達到更有意義的彼此彼持呢? 我們的確需要目標或一件 特別的工作。祈建議以在每校園中設立福音查經小組為目標。我信心當時不夠接下 這工作。後無意中參加了一個中國音樂晚會, 眼見這麼多陌生和熟悉的面孔, 有什 麼無法也使他們聽到福音呢? 大概焦牧師當晚也有同感吧! 因為幾個星期後我們在 冬令會便產生了音樂佈道會的初步計劃。

感謝神接著祂便興起了同工。我們面臨的第一個決定為對象, 因為這個影響到時間 地點和節目的選擇。基於查經班的作用和構成份子我們決定以波士頓一帶中國留學 生為對象; 目的是讓他們接觸到基督徒的人生觀。我們要把福音的感受告之於他們。 於是時間, 地點, 節目, 歌曲, 宣選組, 文書組, 詩班成員, 茶點部, 都紛紛決定 並籌備起來。雖然我們後來有禱告信和日曆 (prayer letter and prayer calendar) 沒有禱告組是我們的錯。茶點和招待也該分開。在籌備過程中當然不無不愉快的事 情發生: 如意見之不合, 言語上的衝突和誤會, 個人的疲倦, 灰心, ..., 不過這倒 是一個愛的恆久忍耐, 彼此包容並紀律自己的好機會。

佈道會當天晚上, 每一處都看到神的恩典和帶領:

甲) 場地的需要: 擴音設備, 站台 (platform), refreshment tables...

乙)財務: 我們一共用了 $450 多!

鋼琴: 260.00
場地: 80.00
茶點: 43.00
節目單:詞22.21
宣傳約 50.00 (海報, 傳單, 郵費)

丙) 人數: 我們估計有 250 人

丁) 節目: 指揮對演出水準甚為滿意 (參四月十一日 reminder 見證會的記錄)

當然也有很多人因邀請的朋友沒有來或其他各因素感到失望。有一位姐妹說得好: 『我們沒有都很開心, 不過我們都為當晚感謝神。』凡事謝恩!

我們questionaires 的結果有些地方很有趣:

Questionaire results:

1) Are you Christian? YES - 41 - 64% NO - 23 - 36%

return questionaires 64 - 25.6% if total attendance is 250

2) I attended this meeting because:

a) I'm a member of bible study

YES - 15 - 36%
NO - 0 - 0%

b) I know about it thru a member of bible study group (personal invitation)

YES - 15 - 36%
NO - 17 - 74%*

c) I saw a poster

RESPONSE - (Christian: 9 - 22%) (non-Christian: 2 - 8%)
NO RESPONSE - (Christian: 2 - 6%) (non_Christian: 4 - 18%)

3) I prefer such meetings

a) be held in church (Christian: 11 - 27%) (non-Christian - 6 - 26%)
b) not be held in church (Christian: 6 - 15%) (non-Christian: 5 - 22%)
c) no preference (Christian: 24 - 58%) (non-Christian: 11 - 48%)
d) no response (Christian: 0 - 0%) (non-Christian: 1 - 4%)

4) I like the most

a) Night (Folk group) (Christian: 11 - 27%) (non-Christian: 14 - 61%)
b) Twilight (Rev & Mrs. Yang) (Christian: 7 - 17%) (non-Christian: 0 - 0%)
c) Dawn (choir) (Christian: 11 - 27%) (non-Christian: 5 - 22%)
d) All (Christian: 7 - 17%) (non-Christian: 3 - 13%)
e) No Response (Christian: 5 - 12%) (non-Christian: 3 - 14%)

5) In my opinion, tonight clearly conveyed a gospel message

a) YES (Christian: 35 - 85%) (non-Christian: 16 - 70%)
b) NO (Christian: 4 - 10%) (non-Christian: 6 - 26%)
c) NO RESPONSE (Christian: 2 - 5%) (non-Christian: 1 - 4%)

6) Were the songs & witnesses effective in conveying the gospel?

a) YES (Christian: 30 - 73%) (non-Christian: 16 - 70%)
b) NO (Christian: 6 - 15%) (non-Christian: 5 - 22%)
c) NO RESPONSE (Christian: 5 - 12%) (non-Christian: 2 - 8%)

7) The following needs improvement

a) choice of songs (Christian: 7 - 17%) (non-Christian: 2 - 8%)
b) publicity efforts (Christian: 12 - 29%) (non-Christian: 5 - 22%)
c) Refreshment (Christian: 2 - 5%) (non-Christian: 3 - 13%)
d) stage setting (Christian: 12 - 29%) (non-Christian: 7 - 30%)
e) no response (Christian: 8 - 20%)(non-Christian: 6 - 27%)

註: * 代表筆者認為應該思考的反應百分比(%) 是四捨五入的數字。

有些特別的建議很有意思: 如氣氛太過嚴肅, 應該多一些 performer - audience interaction, sing-alongs; 主席聲量不夠; 傳福音不應該只注重感情, 作一個基 督徒要準備犧牲; 主席最好不用同時後唱歌, 他應該在旁旁白以達到連貫性; 見證 時該有翻譯; 向中國人傳福音該用中文。

佈道會已經完畢了, 我們看不到查經班有顯著的改變。一天晚上用去四, 五百元, 幾個月的功夫值得嗎? 我想一方面我們應該學習節省, 另一方面我們不要忘記:『我 栽種了, 亞波羅澆灌了, 唯有神叫他生長。』林前三:六。還記得那位美國姐妹的來 信嗎: "I am so happy that you have this meeting. This Chinese used to tell me that Chinese are not Christians, and I am glad she is at this meeting." 我們應該把握自己所學到的功課, 我們應該繼續作 follow-up 的工作。

"The night was not an end, it is a beginning." 你同意嗎? 祈說『責任越愈重 的, 得著愈大。』春天已經來臨, 你有沒有得著春雨(聖靈)的滋潤和上頭的呼喚? 應該開始長了。Felix 願意在波士頓開始 "metamorphosis II" 福音幻燈片的工作。 我們在九月的迎新會 ... 我們歡迎您加入事奉, 讓我們為查經班定下一個 神所喜 悅的目標。

A) 舊約卷名

1) 軍曹上講台
2) 報名上冊 (捲廉格)
3) 還沒賺錢
4) 派紀政參加亞運
5) 歡樂時光 (捲廉格)

B) 舊約人物

1) 六月女嬰
2) 愛吃的
3) 高利貸
4) 選美大會
5) 拔河秘訣

謎底 1) 士師 2) 民數記 3) 利未 4) 以賽亞 5) 哈該
1) 夏娃 2) 大衛 3) 利百加 4) 以色列 5) 大利拉

Dear S,

How have you been? It has been quite a while since I last heard from you. I trust that the Lord has been with you.

I have been waiting for her return too. I have looked everywhere, searching frantically for the first glimpse of her face. I have watched with expectation, with the belief that she will reappear in the next instance, bringing back warmth, happiness and new life.

But it simply was not to be. She has been taking her time these days. She has been hiding, refusing to show her pretty face. No, not yet.

She shall, though, because I know. One of these days, she will jump out of the closet and point at me, saying, "Hey, you! Here I am. Where have you been looking?" It seems that she has been with me for all this time and yet I do not know.

I still vividly remember the days past when I was just a boy. We used to wait patiently at the bus stop at the corner of the street. Waiting for father to come home after work that we may have dinner together. The bus may be late. But father always come back and greet us with a grin on his face. He may be very tired and at that moment, it does not matter. Well, those days are bygone, only leaving their unerasable imprints on a faded leaf...

Isn't it wonderful to know that God loves us and is never away from us. Wherever and whenever we are. Whatever we are doing. He is there, looking over and guiding us. He is never late, always present to help us and greet us with a smile.

Are you still playing hide and seek with Him? Do you know He's been with you all this time?

Have to go, take care and do write soon.

With love,

Felix

4/10/75

Dear S,

Am so glad that I finally heard from you. Things here are just about the same. You know, I always take things easy. Ha!

Yes, she finally arrived. A little late and a bit flustered. Maybe she actually wasn't hiding; she was trying to let me take a peek at her face but I just wasn't paying any attention. Anyhow, to me, she is always welcome. Spring is always the prettiest and loveliest of all seasons. In her I perceive the greatness and power of God --- the flowers, the birds, the sun, the rain and the people. There is such an abundance of life.

The flowers I give to you because they make you happy. The birds I envy because they roam freely under His shelter. The sun I follow because it gives me light. The rain brings us relief because we all are thirsty. The people He gives us because we need companionship.

I have started going regularly to the Bible study group now. I thank the Lord for giving me new friends and fellowship. Praise Him, for He has provided each and every one of us a home --- His home -- that we can all dwell in and share His love.

Have you found Him yet? Please remember that you do not have to look too far. Look closer, for He has been with you all this time. Maybe you have been ignoring Him and have put Him in your closet.

Seek and you are bound to find him.

Take care.

With love,

Felix

5/14/75

一九六一年我在康乃康州一間教會事奉主, 有一個家庭其小男孩在幼稚兒童詩班, 兩 個年輕的女孩在青年詩班, 其母親則參加成年班。有一回我問那位母親: 您的丈夫 在那裡為什麼您一家都有音樂天才而您的丈夫總不來參加唱詩班。末後她告訴我, 她丈夫是個泥水匠, 在一個冬天砌磚時, 因天氣實在太冷,他要取暖就那喝酒從此就 變成酒鬼。於是那日我便去拜訪他。

我問他:『你是不是一個基督徒?是不是願意與你妻子兒子們一起參加詩班事奉主?』 他聽後目光閃著眼淚說:『我是願意信主。』我又問:『那你願意和我一同禱告嗎?』 『我願意但是我不懂禱告』『那您就跟著我一句一句的禱告』『首先求主赦免我一 切的罪, 但是我還有許多困難軟弱不能自己解決, 求主幫助加添我的力量, 讓我能 勝過這一切。』

這位復活的主把這個人整個都改變了。他不再當泥水匠, 買了一塊田來耕種, 就開 始回教會中與他的家人一同事奉主。我希望在座的弟兄姐妹如果您們對某一靈魂有 負擔的話, 為他們禱告, 向他們傳主的福音, 主會加添您的力量。我希望今天在座 還沒有信主的也能接受主的恩典。祂能赦免您的罪, 幫助您勝過一切困難。

這次我回到康州, 重探望這一家人。這位弟兄從那以後沒有再喝一口酒。主能幫助 我們戰勝一切困難。願主祝福您們『給我那塊山地吧!』那八五高齡的老戰士迦勒嚷 道『我四十歲時, 摩西差遣我去窺探迦南地。我的同伴們灰心喪志, 但我本著我跟 從耶和華的心志回報, 耶和華便應許了我這山地。』

『也給我這塊山地吧!』我天真地喊著, 我仿彿能看見自己, 一手板著那垂直的板岩 硝壁, 冒著九死一生的危險來征服如山般高的屬靈障礙。

我回頭呼喊畏怯的弟兄們:『對啊, 此路可行!』或是『小心滑石啊!』我試圖為我這 叛逆的一代, 開壁新道以達到那屬靈的高原。但我需要有著倪柝聲的靈命, 宋商節 講台上的感染力, Sam Shoemaker 的扶導恩賜, C.S. Lewis 的文才, Isaac Watts 的音樂感... 以及其他許多的恩賜, 但是就算我真的能攀登這高原, 又有誰能跟隨 呢? - 必然是另一個屬靈巨人, 那又有何益處。

『你曾考慮過打洞的方法嗎?』有一位英國牧師 (the Rev Ernest Southcott) 問道。 打洞? 這是什麼意思? 當你打洞的時候, 你便能隱藏自己。當你完這隧道時, 就是 瘸腿的也能通過。能否活出自己塑造的目標也再不會是難處。我本是一支小笛, 為 何充滿那雄壯的號角? 我這小笛在堂堂的交響樂隊中也有我的地位, 還是保留我獨 特的音色, 不用在羨慕, 不用在模仿, 也不用再嘆惜自己的失敗。只是靜靜地幹著 自己的一份, 深信我的忠實聽眾, 必然會賞識祂底孩兒努力, 成為祂引以自豪的孩 兒的心願。

來吧, 這是打洞的第一鏟!

Every time I look at the cross I am reminded of the greatness of God and the redemptive power of Jesus Christ. I am reminded of the beauty of sacrificial love and the majesty of unswerving devotion to truth. It causes me to say with John Browning:

In the cross of Christ I glory,
Towering o'er the wrecks of time;
All the light of sacred story
Gathers round its head sublime.

It would be wonderful were I to look at the cross without also realizing that it symbolized not only of the unlimited power of God, but also of the sordid weakness of man. I think not only of the radiance of the divine, but also of the tang of the human. I am reminded not only of Christ at his best, but of man at his worst.

We must see the cross as the magnificent symbol of love conquering hate and of light overcoming darkness. But in the midst of this glowing affirmation, let us never forget our Lord and Master lay nailed to that cross because of human blindness. Those who crucified him knew not what they did.

有一首詩歌, 特別感動我的心, 它的歌名是『我有一位好朋友』歌詩是這樣的:

我有一位好朋友, 我是非常寶貴
祂是愛我如此溫柔, 祂愛非常甜美
我不能活無祂之處, 我愛祂的提握
所以我們就同住, 我主與我

祂知我愛祂幾多, 祂知我愛深淺
但他是用和憂愛我, 我永不能說清
乃是一愛永遠不衰, 越過越像熱火
所以彼此就相愛, 我主與我

我告祂以我痛苦, 告祂以我歡喜
我告祂以我所羨慕, 告祂以我刺激
祂告訴我以所當策勵, 告我以所當作
我們彼此吐心意, 我主與我

祂知我心真羨慕, 能救一個靈魂
祂就叫我為祂外出, 去報愛的新聞
祂叫我說出祂的奇愛, 並祂受死經過
我們如此常同在, 我主與我

祂告訴我以祂國度, 離此並不太遠
我心切望能夠儘速把我帶到那邊
無終幸福, 喜樂在望, 還有榮耀寶座
不久我們同作主, 我主與我

或許我們中間有人不知道這首詩歌的曲調, 伯默想這些歌詞, 相信能帶給我們安慰 與鼓勵, 特別當我們憂傷之時, 我們可以提醒自己, 『我有一位好朋友』。

唯有主耶穌是我們交托的對象, 而神自己也應許我們說:『應當一無罣慮，只要凡事 藉著禱告、祈求，和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。 神所賜、出人意外的平安必在基 督耶穌裏保守你們的心懷意念。』( 腓立比書四: 6, 7 節) 因此作為神兒女的我們 , 能夠享有此種特權, 為何要輕忽呢?

讓我們親近我們的好朋友 - 主耶穌, 也讓我們願意更加愛祂, 為祂而活。

The following is an original letter written to a brother in Canada. Part of it has been removed and edited so as to make it suitable for a larger audience.

Dear Brother Peter in Christ,

Thank you very much for your letter dated April 13, 1975. I am really encouraged by the testimony you told me in your letter. And I praise God for what He is doing in Canada. You should be proud that God is using you as an instrument. And you surely have been a very useful tool. Rejoice! And march on -- in the name of the Lord! ...(bla bla bla...)

Since March, God has been changing me so incredibly fast that when I look back, I just have to praise Him for what He has done. Let me briefly relate my experience. As you probably know, in the ECCYWC (Eastern Canadian Chinese Youth Winter Conference), I offered myself to the Lord during my stay in Canada at Christmas ---not as a full-time worker, though, I pledged before the Lord to lead a clean and holy (disciplined) Christian life. But when I was back in Boston, things returned to normal. I totally forgot about that promise. It's true that I became more active in our Bible Study group and in church. But full-time ministry was still a notion I could not accept. "God couldn't possibly be calling me to that!" I kept telling myself. I was extremely egocentric and wanted to keep myself as a lay Christian - I told God I would serve him heartily but I want to lead a life my way.

Praise God! He loves me and He taught me at the risk of my turning against Him. March was an eventful month for me. The Bible Study Group and our church co-sponsored an Easter musical evangelical meeting. It was to be held on the 28th - Good Friday night. I was to give a testimony near the end of the night's program. While everybody was busy preparing for the event, I went through a very painful process. One day, around the 20th March, I felt a pain in my chest. And the pain became more and more unbearable. The date of the meeting was drawing near - I was afraid that if my health would became worse, not only would I not be able to appear in the meeting and hence would spoil and night's program, but also would throw the brothers and sisters into an abyss of worry which might affect their preparation work and hence the night's performance - (worry for the inappropriate metaphor!) But at that time, all these worries were of secondary importance. What really affected my state of mind was the physical pain I was suffering from.

At last, after prayers, I managed to gather up enough courage and went to see the doctor. I was afraid it might turn out to be some sort of incurable disease like cancer...The doctor have me a x test and asked me to go back three days later, the result of the test showed that it was x (1). But he was not sure. He referred me to a specialist and I was to see him two days later. (Then it was four days before the meeting).

That night I laid on bed sleepless. Terrible thoughts invade my mind - and for the first time in my life, I perceive the fear of death. Out of desperation, I know I had no one to turn to but the Lord - I fell on my knees and began to pray - and He comforted me. I felt a great peace and soon fell sound asleep. God taught me a very good lesson: Death does not belong to old people alone. My own life is beyond my control. If He wants to take it back, He can do so anytime. Life can be short and unpredictable. Why should I love the world so much? Everything is going to pass away some day. God showed me, to my shame, how I love my flesh (myself more than Him. He gave His only Son, the totally sinless Jesus Christ to die for me, how trivial my sacrifice would be even if I dedicate my whole life to Him! That night, I rededicated myself. I told God I would serve Him full time if He still wants to leave me on earth. It's not a bargain; it's a willing and joyous offering.

To make the long story short, God used the environment and brothers and sisters (including Pastor Chiu, a really fantastic servant of the Lord) to manifest to me His will. Now, I cannot wait for the Summer Conference to come in which I can dedicate myself before Christian brothers and sisters to testify to them how God has changed my life. He has not given me a very clear calling yet, but pray that He will soon!

I have never experienced the joy I am experiencing now. What a honor it will be! - if God really wants me to serve Him full-time. Pray for me, brother! That I will be strong. Pray that God will show me the way. Pray for my family (all non-Christians). I don't know what their reaction will be. You sure can understand as you are in a somewhat similar situation. Pray that mine is not as rash action consequent from shear emotions...

Note:

1) x - some kind of disease

2) P.S. Can I write to this address throughout the summer? I will probably have a new address by July - keep in good tough! Okay?

Note: This article was rushed through half an hour before the deadline, much like a journalist brushing up a hot-lien news-story for the evening post. I apologize for the loose and disorganized structure. But I do sincerely hope that the testimony itself will benefit, in whatever way, the readers. Thanks.

忘記是誰說的了: 『燈一開, 現代人就失去了黃昏。』

那天, 我雅興突發, 想體會體會黃昏的來領, 於是沒有開燈。薄暮中我一個人靜靜 的在房中用著晚餐。

可是我失望了。窗外高大的建築擋住了視野, 藍天也被遮住了一大半沒有落照, 沒 有晚霞, 更不要談炊煙歸農了。黃昏的來臨只有黑暗的籠罩, 毫無自然的裝飾, 夜 空也沒有皎月, 沒有繁星, 只有一顆孤星單獨的在那內爍著, 似乎在提醒我, 不論 我怎樣將自己關閉在自己的小天地, 自然仍然存在, 神所創造的還是環繞在我的四 週。

在黑暗中, 我深思著: 物質文明究竟帶給了人類什麼呢? 不可否認物質的享受是進 步多了。但是這享受的代價卻是人與自然的分離, 人與神親手所造的越隔越遠, 高 大的建築遮住了晚霞, 誰能去欣賞造物主超人的靈感? 污染的空氣掩去了繁星, 誰 能再體會創世者開天的魄力。工業機械化的污染盲目了人的眼, 封閉了人的心, 看 不到造物主所作的工。人與神只一步一步的分得更遠, 人企圖依靠自己的能力創造 出一條自己的路, 但是盲人騎著瞎馬, 又可走多遠而不迷失呢?

我懷念那艷麗的晚霞, 我懷念那金色的餘暉, 我也懷念當空的皎月和滿天的繁星在 黑暗中我只能輕向造物者: 『人類的迷失要到什麼時候? 要到那一天我們才可脫離這 喧囂的世界回到你手所造的恬靜中?』

黃昏的失去, 關鍵豈僅在燈。

在算學上, 0 與1 是兩個緊接著的最小數目字, 在意義上 0 代表 『沒有』, 而 1 卻代表『有』。『有』 與 『沒有』之間的差距就大了。在效果上更有不同, 若我們 把千百個 0 放在一起結果總是 0。若我們把許多的 1 放在一起, 所得的結果就有 不同。更奇妙的是我們若在幾個 0 的前頭放上上數目必成 10,100,1000,10000, ... 等。我們若把 1 放在諸 0 之後則變成 01, 001, 0001, 00001 等, 好像沒什麼效 果, 雖然還是比單獨得 0 稍微大些, 由此可見儘管 0 與 1 本身看來都是微不足道 的小數目, 但他們之間的巧妙結合, 卻造成很大的果效。

人生命的光景也是一樣。我們每個人都從神那兒領受了一段在世的光陰, 在這段時 日中, 我們都隨自己的意志追求各樣的東西, 其中包括學問, 榮華富貴, 還有智慧 , 理想等, 這些東西的確叫人響往。然而在歷史上擁有最榮華富貴且具大智慧的所 羅門, 感嘆說: 『虛空的虛空，虛空的虛空，凡事都是虛空。人一切的勞碌，就是 他在日光之下的勞碌，有甚麼益處呢？』 萬事盡屬虛空, 喜樂福祉是虛空, 房舍田 園是虛空, 智慧也是虛空, 勞碌所得不知遺誰斯亦虛空。我們真是追求一連串的 0, 但敬畏神的人終必得永福, 心中誠實, 順服神的人, 神必堅立祂手所作的工。

感謝神, 日光之下一切都屬虛空是多人體會過的真實。

神的大能掌管著宇宙也是無可推諉的。若我們把前著比作 0 後者比作 1。 0 與 1 之間不同的結果就產生不同的果效。心中有神作主,掌管我們各樣勞碌求能恩賜的人 , 必結果千百倍, 且蒙神的保守有永恆的價值。心中信有神卻把神放在一邊, 把自 己放在前頭的人就好比 01, 001, 0001, .... 等, 神在他生命中起不了什麼作用, 因神從來不勉強祂的兒女們順服祂。但若心中根本沒有神, 或壓根不接納神的人, 任憑他一生努力追求, 也得了所追求的, 到頭來仍看到一場空, 如同草木枯萎, 花 兒凋謝, 一連串的 0 排在一起結果還是 0。

在日光之下人一切的忙碌有什麼益處呢? 然而敬畏神謹守祂的誡命, 這是人所當有 的本分。

踏入一九七五年 (其餘開場白因篇幅關係已經刪掉) 查經班各樣聚會及分組查經都 未有因風雨所間斷而照常舉行 (願主保守那個悶熱的靈魂) 聚會時間仍為每星期五 下午八時 (註: 各位收看完 NBC NIGHTLY NEWS 便應要出門赴會) 又國, 粵語查經 組之路加福音將暫告一段落, 六月份將進軍舊約, 第一炮為尼西米記 (此為近數年 來查經班罕見現象之一) 阿門。

今年還沒到夏天, 已有數位弟兄腳急急離開 BOSTON, 據可靠消息謂過了夏天又將會 有更多弟兄姐妹被吹送矣! 各別詳情, 請於查經班聚會完畢之交通時間鎖詢。

另一罕見現象為今年查經班文書工作雖不能稱為絕後, 但亦可謂空前。計總負責有 程杜燕屏, 潘裕秀, 黃元琳三位, 另每月有一位被任為 REMINDER 之制作人, 合各 組查經記錄為一, 又七四至七五預計之四期季刊, 暫亦未脫版 (註: 如閤下還沒有 春到 BOSTON 之感, 或未詳視今期封面之制作 - 今期為春季季刊, 秋冬兩季經已出 版多時矣! 此亦為每期季刊之總編輯及各位有心人之力, 接踵而來之文書事工上事 奉機會仍不少詳情請向負責人詢問。

三二八音樂佈道會如期舉行, 其間各弟兄姐妹更能表現出在主內同心, 分工合作和 奉上各人的本分, 呂一祈更充任指揮, 雖欠缺出場經驗, 但其瀟洒細緻手法絕非粗 枝大葉, 一味大動作之流可比。但願我們好好利用各人所得的恩賜。

紐英格蘭查經班之冬令聚會今年定於一九七五年十二月三十一日至一九七六年一月 四日舉行 (各位可不用在家仰望天花板過年) 惜籌備會工作月前反應未有以往之熱 烈, 望大家為此代禱及奉獻。

為免影響各位讀經靈修時間, 尚有多項交通, 聚會程序, 請與主席孫蔚信查詢。

Let nothing disturb thee
Let nothing dismay thee
All things pass;
God never changes
Patience attains
All that it strives for
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing
God alone suffices.

神創造人時, 給了他情感和理智。一個人要正常發展的活兩者需平衡。太過感情用事 固然不好, 純粹講求理智卻會被人誤為冷血動物。電視片集『星空奇遇』(STAR TREK) 裡有一角色叫鮮樸先生 (MR. SPARK), 他是浮根星球的人 (VULCAN), 凡事講究邏輯 化 (LOGICAL)。偏偏太空船上有一感情彭湃的麥該醫生 (DR. MCCOY); 兩者之間的 衝突另人哭笑不得。不過我不是在寫電視報告。

我想大凡人都有愛好吧! 藝術, 看書, 插花, ..., 等等。你有沒有發覺, 愛好是很 偏於感情的? 就拿音樂來作個例子, 還記得十多年前那些少男少女崇拜『披頭四』 (BEATLES) 的那種熱忱嗎? 我想大家也認識一些『古典音樂迷』, 陶醉於貝多芬, 莫扎特的交響曲時那混忘一切的那種神態吧! 就像一片湖水 (心情)上的波浪(感情 )被音樂之風按著節拍吹著而行成巨浪無法收拾 (在物理學術語這叫共鳴)。回想自 己初對音樂發生興趣時還在初中。班上同學都在玩著吉他自己也耐不住了, 初時還 沒有什麼, 不過有一陣子差點入了迷, 一天不碰它一個小時手會發癢呢!終於我的理 智告訴我說: 『這樣子下去不行』聖經上不也是說: 『以別神代替耶和華的, 他們 的愁苦必加增 ...』詩十六篇四節。後來我終於橫起心來不碰它幾個星期, 那過中 好苦啊! 但最後還是忍不住自彈自唱了兩個小時!

有一次跟一位弟兄通信他說自小便喜歡電器的東西, 所以進了大學毫無考慮的進了 電子工程; 在他畢業後在禱告尋求神的帶領時感受到神呼召他全時間事奉, 他很不 明白, 於是乎對神說, 那為何至少給了他興趣和培養的環境呢? 聖經舊約裡有故事 說到亞伯拉罕老年得子以撒。那以撒得寵的地步可想而知。然而神向亞伯拉罕要他 獻上以撒這獨一的兒子, 他的盼望應許的憑據, 他的感情的所在, 這也不是理智的 , 是不合邏輯的。若神要以撒為何當初給他以撒呢? 感謝神亞伯拉罕信神, 這就算 為他的義。當他要獻上以撒時, 神的預備就來到。

當我的朋友願意放下自己對電器的喜好時, 神把祂的旨意光照他, 把他帶到一福音 電台做事。當我對神說:『因為你愛我的緣故, 我願放下不彈吉它。』祂便給我力量 , 不但如此我反而得到機會在音樂佈道會中用吉它事奉。神要我們表示一下態度, 你究竟愛什麼? 我也學到一樣功課, 我們的喜好需要在感情和理智中平衡起來; 不 單如此我們要在自己喜好中尋求出神的旨意。我們要向神表示態度。 『所以弟兄們， 我以神的慈悲勸你們，將身體獻上，當作活祭，是聖潔的，是神所喜悅的；你們如 此事奉乃是理所當然的。』

羅馬書十二: 一

"And all the people that came together to that sight, beholding the things which were done, smote their breasts and returned." Luke 23:48

"The publican standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, 'God be merciful to me, a sinner.' " Luke 18:13

Ordinarily I do not pay special attention to the customs of the Jews recorded in the Bible. But tonight during our discussion of Luke 23:48, the question aroused as what emotion does the action, smiting one's breast, convey?

I would like to report here what I found in the handbook by J.M. Freeman, 'Manners & customs of the Bible', concerning this custom of "Smiting the breast."

Before I go on, I wish to encourage others to explore the various customs of the Jewish society or of the Gentiles which are recorded in the Bible. God may give us good understanding of his Words. But if there's a word which you don't know, do pray for the revelation, or pick up a dictionary? Treating a foreign or ancient custom, is the same as treating a new word that's beyond our vocabulary. I hope all of us will give heed to this important background, specially when we read Nehemiah during the summer.

Bible Manners & Customs -- p. 420, Freeman, Logos 1972.

"Smiting the breast ---

This is one mode of expressing great grief among the Orientals, especially in mourning for the dead; and its insertion in the parable (Luke 18:13) is very expressive of the deep sorrow of the penitent publican. His grief on account of his sins was like the grief of those who mourned for their dead.

Morier give an interesting account of the ceremonies observed annually in Persia in commemoration of the death of Hossein, the grandson of Mohammed who was slain. One part of the ceremonies consists in beating the breast as a token of grief. Morier says, "In front of the palace a circle of the king's own tribe were standing barefooted, and beating their breasts in cadence to the chanting of one who stood in the center, and with whom they now and then joined their voices in chorus. Smiting the breast is a universal act throughout the mourning; and the breast is made bare for that purpose by unbuttoning the top of the shirt." --- Second Journey, p.178,179.

(Morier, James -- Second Journey through Persia, Amenia, and Asia Minor. London, 1813.)

第一次認識神的存在, 是我上小學一年級的聖經課。第一課教的是天主在七天裡創造 了宇宙。那時很好奇, 也很受感動。學校裡整潔寧靜肅穆的教堂是我最常去的地方。 毫無間斷地, 我每次與神交通把我心裡的愉快和憂愁與神分享。讓神降福於我。保 祐我, 領導我, 每一次當我把心裡的話坦然傾訴與神的時候, 那喜悅歡愉心安理得 的感覺, 不足為外人所領會。

舅婆很信仰基督, 她厚厚的聖經是從上海帶來的, 經年累月, 仍然完整如新。最忘 不了, 小時無知的我, 有一天晚上看到她閉上眼睛, 喃喃禱告的神態, 忍不住驚呼 說: 『阿婆, 妳怎麼啦?』我又怎麼知道她正以懇切的心情, 求主降福於我, 讓我健 康, 快樂地成長, 求避免於災難呢! 我至今感謝她愛我心之深切。然而舅公牙科醫 務所業務的忙碌, 阻止他禮拜天上禮拜堂的可能性。他的金科玉律是內心的相信過 勝于一切冠冕堂皇樣式的履行。我的責任在于發奮求學, 宗教活動嘛! 絕不鼓勵。

到了大學裡, 浸浴在那豐富的中國精神文化的世界裡, 完全把宗教信仰置之度外。 然而我對基督徒總有一種特別的尊敬, 我總以為他們應該比非基督徒更有悲天憫人 的性情, 正確的人生關和嚴謹的生活態度。但事實卻非盡是如此。在大學裡所遇到 的幾個基督徒都沒有給大家立下好榜樣。我最難過的是一位唸中文系研究院的陳同 學, 平日是個積極的基督徒, 素來德高望重得到老師同學的一致讚賞和愛戴, 但就 在一次小小的考驗上, 他的表現卻大叫同學們失望。那一次大伙被困電梯, 他非但 沒有發揮基督徒的仁愛, 臨危不懼的精神, 卻將潛藏的極端自私之情在眾人面前一 覽無遺。如果他是個真正的基督徒, 那基督教的價值實在教人置疑。

我也不會忘記一個在中學起就常常向我傳道的好朋友, 她活潑, 聰明, 善良, 家裡 每一分子都是虔誠的信徒, 可是她卻有那么飄忽不定的人生目標。那么凌亂的感情 糾紛, 曾有多少次陷于痛苦的境地而不能自拔, 曾有多少次我得替她分擔憂煩, 曾 有多少次她表現得自暴自棄。更有多少次, 我舅公嚴肅地禁止我跟一個生活浪漫的 女孩子交往, 我極力為她申辯, 理直氣壯的對他說: 『你知道她是個基督徒嗎?』 但不禁反問自己, 這就是一個基督徒所過的生活嗎? 如果她虛幻不定到要求助於一 個非基督徒, 那又這么教人對他們產生肅然起敬之感呢?

意外的, 真正感動我的是我自己的二嫂嫂, 她帶來了一顆漂亮的愛心, 帶領我二哥 到了神的面前, 感化了他, 並改變了他的生活態度, 她不但讓我也享受到她的關懷 , 也讓舅公對這從不賞識的二哥刮目相看。她令我明白同是基督徒, 卻在生活的實 踐上有程度深淺的不同, 大學時期對宗教的感受不過如此。

一封熱情洋溢的信, 把我從新加坡帶到了波士頓查經班, 這是得到舅公特許參加的 活動。十分難得也, 起先以為賣弄聰明回答幾個問題就可交差。然而查經班同學嚴 謹不苛的精神整頓了我散漫的態度, 自覺行為難無偏差。但若能借此增進品德之修 養, 何樂而不為呢? 於是我開始欣賞這本我素以為枯燥無味的聖經, 其字裡行間的 含義, 我發現有許多句子都寫得無瑕可擊。例如馬太福音第五章第十七節:『莫想我 來要廢掉律法和先知。我來不是要廢掉，乃是要成全。』誠想從古至今, 無論是從 進化論或非進化論的觀點來看宇宙這其間歷史演變, 文化發源, 朝代欣衰, 民族分 裂事件, 數之不盡, 小至一個部落, 大至一個國度, 都有他各自的律法和規章。單 以中國來說, 漫漫兩千年歷史, 其傳統文化根深蒂固, 倘若主說:『你們非得廢棄各 自的律法而獨遵守我所訂立的, 才能進天國』那豈非教人無所服從? 但他卻說:『就 是到天地都廢去了，律法的一點一畫也不能廢去，都要成全。』唯有盡律法的義的 人, 才能進天國, 這不是講得對嗎?

要公開承認自己是個罪人, 對我來說是相信很多人可以做到卻極少是言之由衷的, 很不巧, 孟子的性善論與基督的性本惡論恰恰背道而弛。所以若我一開始就承認人 性本善而惡是從後天來的, 就不能輕易的折服于人自生是罪人的說法, 但無可否認 的許多罪惡的發生是在人的潛意識中, 不是在行為的表現上可覺察出來的。一個人 犯思想上的罪惡, 這比行為上的頻繁何止千倍, 如此說無論前天或是後天, 人何當 是無罪羔羊呢?

美國這個物質文明豐富, 精神文明卻極其虛空的社會, 宗教尤其需要賴以維繫社會 倫常以免過于沉淪, 人的力量畢竟是微小的, 這是我最近方深沉, 體驗的結果, 找 到查經班, 宿舍裡的人都不以為然, 我同房 Anderson 是個美國浸信會教徒, 一天 卻對我說:『秀娟, 我覺得你已經夠好了, 為什麼還要到查經班去呢? 到別的地方去 玩玩嘛!』我實在不想跟她爭辯, 於是報以一個微笑。終于, 真正讓我感到力不從心 的是當有一天親自聽到一個中國女同學在房內喊得聲沙力竭而愛莫能助。當我走進 她房內安慰她時, 她淒然地對我說:『我想我犯的罪已經多到可以下地獄了。』我怔 怔地看著她, 難過得也想大哭一場, 因為我真的只能以消極地以同情的眼光看著她 受盡折磨, 最後還是讓她去做她所不應該做的事。從未有的, 那一次我深刻地體會 到人為力量的微弱。我可以做好孩子, 卻連幫助別人做好孩子的能力都沒有。我承 認了, 人的過失真是無窮, 一個這麼純潔, 善良天真的女孩子都會犯過, 更何況殺 人放火之徒呢? 在這母親節的清晨, 我懇切地祈求主耶穌寬恕她的罪過, 也願主早 日呼召我, 讓我誠心誠意地歸向祂。

結稿于母親節七五年

The belief in the kingdom of God is the most difficult demand Christian faith makes of us. We are asked to believe in what seems impossible, namely in the victory of the spirit of God over the spirit of the world. Our trust and hope are invested in the miracle which the spirit can produce.

But the miracle must occur in is before it occurs in the world. We dare not hope that by our effects we can create the conditions of the kingdom in the world. We must certainly work for it. But there can be no divine kingdom in the world if there is not one first of all in our hearts. The beginning of the kingdom is to be found in our determination to bring our every thoughts and deed under the dominning of the kingdom. Nothing will come to pass without inwardness. The spirit of God will only contend against the spirit of the world when it has triumphed over the spirit in our hearts.