這一次回到新加坡, 我們的神, 曾經大大教導我。希望藉著這篇短文, 能提醒我自 己的錯誤, 並與大家一同思想一些問題。

在還沒有來美國之前, 我還沒有信主。基督教對我而言是一個洋教, 並不欣賞。但 學校裏有些基督徒同學, 仍帶我去福靈堂青年團契。那些年輕人, 有在高中讀書, 有在大學讀書, 也有已經在做事的, 卻和得很好。他們似乎很關心他們四周圍的人 , 很和氣, 很善良, 很真誠。我跟他們一起聽道, 聽完了道, 很多人就跑來要認識 我, 要把福音傳給我。福音我沒有接受; 但我卻被他們吸引住了, 我覺得『做個基 督徒很好, 很幸福。』

後來到了美國, 信主, 做了基督徒。參加了三年冬令會, 一年夏令會, 又學了查經 法, 釋經學等專題, 又有了一些人人都看得見的服事工作。兩年半的基督徒經驗, 似乎是多彩多姿。這次回新加坡應該與那些新加坡的基督徒比較比較。當時我在飛 機上, 的的確確是抱這種態度回去的。感謝主, 祂讓我有比較的結果, 更讓我嘗到 了什麼叫『考驗』的滋味。

下了飛機, 神沒有讓我能參加福靈堂的青年團契, 卻讓我先遇上了父母, 父母的朋 友, 舊日的朋友, 舊日的同學, 朋友。一連好幾天, 讓我很不習慣, 因為一天24小 時, 除了睡覺的八個小時以外, 我都面對著不認識耶穌的人。好吧, 要向他們傳福 音, 但開口都已經很難, 何況要對不同的人講得恰當。說不傳福音的時候吧, 四週 的人都在注意『你』這個基督徒做得怎樣。早上起來, 晚上睡前, 以往都要跪下來 禱告, 如今要在父親眼中再做, 就好像難十倍。早上讀了經, 就趕快去看當天報紙 –世界杯賽的消息, 似乎不很調和。平時, 與朋友去看電影, 到接上逛逛, 到餐廳 去吃飯, 與朋友聊天, 似乎與那些不信主的沒有什麼太大的不同的。我可以在談話 中多談神的事, 多提耶穌的名字。但過不了幾天, 我再也不敢輕易提到神的聖名。 表面上來看, 似乎他們對神沒有興趣, 而實際上我在講的時候, 實在感到虛心。

好不容易挨到星期六, 趕快去參加福靈堂的青年團契。當時搭在巴士車中, 心中都 感到輕鬆。為什麼? 因為我覺得我總算逃回主內弟兄姐妹的家中, 不禁感到壓力大 為減輕。更奇妙的是, 我發覺青年團契的那些青年人, 仍和三年前一樣: 和睦, 真 誠, 喜樂, 而我呢?

是乎是飽受虛驚的人, 再也沒有主的喜樂, 平和。跟他們一起查經, 似乎我仍懂得 一些查經及聖經的知識, 但他們追求主道的真誠, 我卻沒有。跟他們交通吧, 總不 能自吹自擂, 吹波士頓查經班如何屬靈, 長進, 愛主。跟他們交通我們的缺點吧! 我又沒有深刻的見解, 為了避免丟自己的臉也就不講了。這樣一來, 反而那些青年 團契的弟兄姐妹向我分享神的恩典。

在家裡, 家父問我將來打算做什麼, 我說我不知道(下一句話: 看神的帶領, 就不敢 說了。) 結果家父訓了我一頓。說以前沒有信主, 也有一些志向, 現在信了主, 人 生反而更沒有方向, 這叫那門的信主法? 也曾經向家父傳福音, 家父就說：『第一 你們沒有一套理論可以讓我信服, 第二有些基督徒的見證實在太差。』實在說, 我 也沒有話可以反.駁家父, 不是主的道不好, 而是自己的生活沒有主的見證。

一直到快回美國的時候, 我才找到一個機會與青年團契的一位弟兄及一位姐妹, 坐 下來談談到底我們在波士頓的生活, 為何與在新加坡的生活有如此的不同。我就把 我們在波士頓生活的概況向他們說了。我記得他們說：『你們與非基督徒的來往太 少。』我又說：『我們同工之間, 似乎大家都很有見解, 卻很難彼此接受。開會開 得又多又長, 卻沒有辦出什麼事。』『為什麼我們查經，禱告, 努力服事, 卻很少 有人接受福音, 大家總有一些困難不能解決?』那一位弟兄說︰『我們應把聖經的知 識拿來應用。』那一位姐妹想了良久, 說：『也許我們應過一個一致的基督生活(consistant christian life)』 有一句話, 好像暮鼓晨鐘, 我記得很清楚：『我們應面對切身 的問題, 因為我們的神是實事在在的神。』

回到美國三個星期了。新加坡的這段經驗一直不能讓我忘懷。自己在反省之後, 願 以一句話自勉：『信心沒有行為是死的。』

無題

燦爛光輝怡晨曦
半邊晴空盡金黃
樂園美景三分睹
映日雲霞傍鳥航
綿綿青天依然在
啾啾雁鳴掠南風
萬象千變皆神意
舉目瞻仰莫徬徨

戰役

十字軍前鋒
一鼓作氣齊
敵將雖猛浩
猶不可一世
主帥當先騎
張弓簸旗幟
番夷頓濇散
黯然又失色

無題

守望中原三十載
浩劫滔天億萬靈
昔有改革長闊論
歲月指望定北平
可嘆青年復同志
烘爐熬下成灰影
哀鴻天父垂憐意
風雨催迫尚留情

『你無須傷心失望, 太陽會再度發出光輝 福音給憂傷哀痛的人帶來新的希望』

此信是筆者數年前草給一位朋友。該友在海灘一偶, 仰藥自殺。 在昏迷垂危之際, 幸得途人獲救。在美中國留學生, 因失意而自盡者, 頗不乏人。有在紐約市 RCA 大 樓, 表演『空中飛人』粉身碎骨; 有在 Times Square 縱火自焚; 有在米蘇里州割 脈管自盡; 有在三籓市金門橋跳海; 有在佛羅里達州因博士學位口試失敗, 無顏臉 見東江父老, 購槍殺教授, 然後自盡。盼未信主者, 能從耶穌處找到人生問題之答 案。信主之弟兄姐妹, 遇挫折時, 仍能信靠上帝, 多作忍耐等候, 及默想祈禱之功 課, 抱著不屈不朽之精神, 靠著聖靈及神的話, 面對『世界』, 『舊我』, 及『魔 鬼』之挑戰。

永真:

深夜樓海華君來電, 的悉您底遭遇, 謹先致與最深之同情及關懷。盼望你現在會樂 觀一點, 放開胸懷, 讓過去成為過去。覆水難收, 徒悔無益, 特別是您現在醫院康 復期間, 不要再回想往事, 免增加心靈苦楚, 及引致胃潰瘍等病痛。

人世間有許多不如意事, 有時後確是受不起那些『悶氣』及『激氣』。友誼之變幻 , 世事之變遷, 環境之壓力, 常使人喘不過氣來! 但自我解決生命, 並不是上策。您 底生命是從上帝而來, 所以你要愛惜您底寶貴之生命。細小之螞蟻與毛蟲, 尚且與 人類競爭, 生存于世, 所以您要對自己說：『我要活下去!』鼓起勇氣, 再次站起來 , 面對現實。不要再難過, 也請不要啜泣, 我明白你底處境, 人是感情之動物, 需 要 "To love" & "To be loved"。這一點我很贊同。多年來您付上真誠之愛情, 換 來的都是傷心, 失望。人有悲歡離合, 月有陰晴圓缺, 時間會過去, 天地會改變, 但 讓我給您介紹一位朋友, 他名叫耶穌, 他永不改變! 盼望你能早日相信祂。

當我在美國升學時, 深夜常開福音電臺播出優美之樂聲, 給以失眠及失意者無限之 安慰。前路易士安娜州長占米大衛士所唱出之主題曲：『昨夜當我低頭禱告, 我聞 耶穌慈聲呼召, 來就我, 得安寧, 我會替您背負重擔…』不時回響在我底腦海裏。 盼望你能聽到耶穌柔聲呼喚, 將你人生重擔及傷心事交托給祂, 接受祂做個人救主 , 不單只使你在精神及心靈上得到安慰也使你比回『死裏逃生後, 能有一位舵手及 嚮導, 引領你底前程』請勿忘記『大海航行靠舵手, 人生旅途靠耶穌!』

我盼望能早日與您相聚, 將耶穌詳細介紹給您認識。苦在其他方面能幫得您什麼忙 , 亦請賜知。您情緒低落時, 要找人訴苦, 我可以靜心聆聽。我銘記諾貝爾得獎人 及叢林醫生史懷哲之一句名言︰『你永遠無法看透別人的心事, 說不定你不想見的 那個人就是最需要你幫助的人。或者, 在他心目中看來, 你是他最後的希望。』何 況我們是多年的同學。

嚴冬之後, 會是明媚之春天, 漫長之黑夜, 必會成為過去。太陽再度從東方昇起來 , 向前走吧：『忘記背後, 努力面前』去開始您底生命史裡新的一頁。願和暖之陽 光照耀著您底新生。雖然前程未必是『天色常籃, 花香常漫』但請記著：

『人生貴乎奮鬥, 而不在乎征服; 貴於嘗試, 而不在乎勝利。』

願救主耶穌賜佑您!

正為著您代禱：

樓閣鐘 敬上

將近三百個日子裏，能讓我重新投入你的愛海中, 沈溺在你那馨香的親情裏。你曾 因我的失落而痛苦, 因我的迷惘而焦急, 更因我的過犯而嘆息。從你設法看顧我之 際起，數算之下已有八年。在此日子裏, 不論是晝日, 晚上, 深夜, 或清晨, 我一 直無法擺脫你對我的呼喚; 在起初七年, 我非常疲乏, 一層責荷沉重的壓在我心上 , 沒法擺脫你嚴厲的重擔和親切的呼召。其實, 只因我為世界所勝。

二十多年前, 您祇不過是一個鄉中的老師, 因家鄉變色，才忍痛別了祖母, 領了妻 兒抵港, 那些日子中您時常把許多動聽的故事講給我們聽, 雖然說得多了便會重覆 , 而且不知有多少次, 但每次您說的時候, 總是表情迫真, 悉力演出, 而且聽的人, 有時雖乏新鮮, 但亦一樣有趣, 從不感到厭倦。

您喜愛鄉村和大山, 只要有假日, 您總牽著我的手往郊外走, 攀上高山, 和我眺望 著, 欣賞著祂的傑作。您曾在重陽時說看秋候野景更是自己登高之主要原因, 我亦 默然讚同, 因我倆憎厭市區內越起越高的建築物; 這是我少年時與您的明顯共通點。

為了家人的較好生計, 您曾捨下了他們, 擠身於海外華僑之列達十八年。如今可算 是一個五十多歲的老華僑。和家人一同出席飲宴時, 您總會穿著兩套西服中的一套 , 亦曾聽您誇耀過這兩套服裝的耐用–九年貨式, 我不禁失笑。無論如何, 我感激 您以往為我們保持經濟上的負擔, 使我能受教育至今; 況且您甘心忍耐在一外國社 會中過文盲的生活, 像其它年老的華僑一樣犧牲自己壯年的幸福, 辛酸地在華埠, 在紐約勞碌過活。

不錯, 您無條件為家人勞苦, 挑重擔, 為我們追求世上暫時的快樂與安逸, 以為可 以從世上得到平安與享受, 但曾否知道我們是罪人, 我們若說自己無罪, 就是自欺 , 真理不在我們心裏(約一1:18) 您卻為我在日光之下勞碌, 儘管將得來的多留給我。 我曾是罪的奴僕, 如今依賴祂在十字架上為我所流的血, 我能與祂和好,您不可不知 , 這是祂愛我, 我不願意您不認識祂的愛, 不願意您虧欠了祂的容耀, 因只有罪人 , 祂才叫他將所收聚的, 所堆積的歸給祂所喜悅的人(傳2:26)我仍實在喜愛您那永 遠掛著慈詳的笑容和我互相意見, 世上無完人, 盼望您能接受祂給我的恩典, 能仰 望祂, 您必得救。

天父, 你知曉他心意, 他既費了這麼大的辛酸, 汗淚, 為我經歷日光下的苦難。我 愛主你為我流血捨身, 使我罪得赦免。在此我深信祂必能容納他, 因你看顧我, 也 必看顧他。

阿華很快就把午飯的碗碟洗淨了。看看腕錶已是一點鐘了。『媽,今天我要在團契領 詩, 要早一點預備, 我六點鐘就回來。』

『爸在船上很辛苦』母親又皺起眉頭, 『為的是要見你大學畢業, 將來日子過得好 些。學識是謀生的技倆, 要不是抗戰輟學, 你爸就不用當水手, 過粗活, 我最擔心 你荒廢學業, 你聽我的話不要一天到晚都在教堂, 開這個會, 開那個會, 不要叫你 爸失望。』

『媽, 我知道, 上次我段考的成績不好麼? 你放心吧, 我回來的時候經過街市, 就 買些菜回來省得你走動。』

母親不言語, 阿華輕輕把門帶上, 出去了。

阿華的心很矛盾, 從半年來決志到現在, 他都感到父神的帶領, 團契弟兄姐妹同分 享事奉的甘甜。但母親不喜歡他到教堂, 她怕一個人在家寂寞, 一星期中難得阿華 周末不用上課, 可以在家陪她, 團契卻又在星期六聚會, 阿華心中又不忍。這個廉 租屋的走廊, 阿華每天都行好多遍, 總是星期六出門的時候叫他心中最沈重。

夏日的餘暉把走廊照得通紅。林嫂拿了香燭燒賣在拜土地神。林先生卻在走廊的另 一端拉著陳伯濤濤而談, 眉飛色舞, 大概今天在跑馬場中了彩罷。

『嗨, 阿華, 又去拜神?』阿祥看見阿華遠遠走來。阿祥也是在這環境長大, 他中學 讀了一半就輟學到工廠找事, 候來自己搬了到外面住, 他的母親前年去世, 他更少 回家看老父了。 鄰居許多關於他的閑話, 他和他們談不來, 但阿華跟他自小便很要 好, 阿華幾乎是他唯一的朋友。

『噢我剛從教會回來, 其實我也很希望你也參加我們的團契, 要知道人若賺得全世 界, 賠上了...』

『阿華, 不要和我講耶穌了, 這個世界什麼都是錢 ...』

阿祥很少回家, 他們就述起舊來。

『死臭飛』林嫂喃喃自語, 林嫂心胸很窄, 是這大夏出了名的長舌婦人。

那一次是阿祥最後一次回家, 兩天後阿祥因參加一次黑社會打鬥給警察抓了, 很快 全大樓的人都知道。

阿華下課回來, 看見母親的眼紅腫, 母親是個很堅強的女人, 在他們最困苦的日子 也不曾滴過眼淚, 阿華嚇了一跳。

『媽, 是什麼事情?』

『阿華, 我問你, 你有沒有和黑社會有關係?』

阿華想起了阿祥, 知道是什麼事了。

『媽, 我怎麼會黑社會有關呢? 我是個大學生又是個基督徒, 難道黑和白我也分不 開嗎?』

『華, 我們家雖然窮, 也要有骨氣, 不要叫人家閒言閒語, 你知道, 隔壁的林嫂四 處對人家說, 星期六看到你和阿祥鬼鬼崇崇的在商議, 還說親耳聽見你們說什麼 "做 世界" 的事情管, 是商量作奸犯科的事情, 虧你是大學生, 卻和黑社會一夥, 阿祥 給警察抓了, 你和他勾結, 早晚也有你的份, 媽雖然相信你的清白, 但人家這樣誣 蔑你, 媽把你養得這樣大, 辛苦看到你入了大學, 卻叫人家話 我們的名聲, 媽是多 心酸, 媽前世不知做錯什麼事情...』

母親鳴咽不成聲了。

『媽, 林嫂是個文盲, 學識少, 我們不要和她一般見識, 你知道我清白就是了, 媽 , 今天我跟主任談過, 他說我的成績好, 有希望拿獎學金到海外深造, 爸在船公司 這樣久都未有休息過, 正好休假一年在家陪你, 我就去修個碩士學位, 那時事實勝 於雄辯, 還怕人家閒言閒語麼?』

母親嘴唇微顫, 廚房裡的稀飯燒焦了, 阿華知道走廊裡每個人都用鄙夷的目光, 華 和母親對林嫂都很切齒。

香港的四月是潮濕的, 人的走動, 跌在地上的爛菜? , 泥濘, 叫賣聲, 貨車聲堆砌 了街市的圖畫。

阿華從魚檯買了一尾鯇魚, 腦子裡都想著明天主日學輪值怎樣對五, 六歲的說好撒 瑪利人的故事。『韃!』身邊有個婦人不慎滑到了, 阿華本能地過去扶起她, 定眼一 看竟然是鄰居林嫂, 上次的事阿華還沒法說服自己去饒恕她, 心中激動澎湃。

『她誣蔑你!』

『只是我告訴你們要愛你們的仇敵, 為那逼迫你們的禱告。』

『她誣蔑你!』

『耶穌說: 我對你說, 不是到七次乃是到七十個七次。』

『你的母親因這事哭了多少遍, 她從來就很少哭!』

『主為我們捨命, 我們就此知道何為愛。』

阿華不再猶豫了, 林嫂這一交跌得不少, 不能站起來走路, 阿華就扶她一拐一拐的 從街市上樓梯一直到林嫂的家, 他看到林嫂訝異的眼光。

『媽, 我回教會去, 五點鐘就回來。』 他幾乎不願意再重覆這句話, 他害怕看到母親不悅的神色。

『華, 路上小心。』

六月十四日, 阿華參加了母親的浸禮。

星期六的走廊再不是沉重的, 阿華哼著崇拜的皆來頌: 『來啊, 我們要向耶和華歌唱, 向拯救我們的磐石歡呼...』

『...只是我告訴你們，要愛你們的仇敵，為那逼迫你們的禱告。 這樣就可以作你們天父的兒子...』

馬太福音五章44-45

不知道是什麼原因, 本人很喜歡聽李牧師證道, 可能是他的儀表出眾, 也可能是他 的聲音宏亮, 亦可能是他的講章有條理, 但以上幾點都不重要。把我吸引的只是他 的坦白。有很多教會, 恐怕影響會眾人數的原故, 總是把弟兄姐妹信仰上的毛病收 藏起來不談, 未有直接將他們的錯誤指出而加以改正。但李牧師視他的教會為一個 家庭, 不願弟兄姐妹有錯誤的信仰態度, 雖然多次冒犯, 都要將神的家庭有條的整 理, 本人亦願意將他的信息及個人的感受與大家分享。

上星期的題目是 "Who is on the Lord's side?" 他提到有好些教會就是好像一些 物件掛在半空中一樣, 不能上也不能落。比喻一些不求上進的基督徒, 他們羨慕比 自己屬靈的弟兄姐妹, 卻又偷偷的羨慕非基督徒的"快樂" 及 "自由"。不錯, 誰能 背起基督的十字架? 本人在未受洗前亦有過同樣的經歷。生長在一個基督教的 家庭裏, 自小就稱自己為『信主』的人。但當我觀察一般基督徒要做的工作時, 就覺得很沒趣。他們每星期要到禮拜堂一兩次, 每次要作靈修半小時, 真是不好 受。於是, 往往在別人問及我是否信主時, 我都回答, 我是"中立派"的, 不反對別 人信主, 自己亦不求上進。不知道弟兄姐妹有沒有同感, 當你一站在主的那一邊 時, 你就發覺你要為主辯護, 但自己對聖經上的話語那麼膚淺, 豈不是成為一個虛假的基督徒?

事情一直是如, 直至去年十月期間, 我相識了一位查經班的弟兄。有一次, 我有機 會和他坐下來談起信仰的問題, 開頭覺得很沒趣, 因為自己有些 "自大狂", 不容易 接受別人的意見。但過後便覺得他的說話到有理而坦白, 結果在多次的談話中, 便發覺了自己信仰上的馬虎及問題。這位弟兄又鼓勵我到查經班, 因為這裡是討 論信仰上問題的好地方, 感謝神 祂是一個能改變人的神, 祂的兒女沒有一個不管教, 在查經班弟兄姐妹的鼓勵下, 我今年五月便接受了主。我這次得救的經過是 有賴個人傳道及一個有條理的查經班幫助。我深信我們每一個人都是神所想使用的器皿, 無論我們是讀書的, 或是做事的, 神一定會用不同的方法差遷我們, 盼 望弟兄姐妹能在禱告上看到神的異象在聖靈裏得著傳福音的能力, 阿們。

太二十六: 27, 28

1. 為簡化查經班同工會的結構, 來年的制度將為執行委員會制, 執行委員八人組成, 已於去月計劃如下:

總幹事: 黃鵬程
靈修組: 劉清清, 周素珍
對外聯絡: 許志明
宣道組: 陳慶全, 莊郁心
書記財政: 李子晟
連誼組現空缺, 希望大家為此禱告。

2. 新英倫查經班將於八月四日至六日在 Amherst 舉行退休會, 主題為"個人工作", 九月二日至四日又有舉行福音營, 此次為本地區第一次福音營, 請大家用禱告支持
和鼓勵慕道的朋友參加。

3. 這個多月我們歡送了黃維菱(回台灣), 彭要彩(回香港), 王升艾(赴波的摩爾), 快要離波城的有梅仲明伉儷, 求主親自帶臨他們作美好的見證。

4. 最近查經班聞 "我願意" 之聲, 此起彼落, 好不熱鬧, 先後登科計:

梅仲明, Jan Mantarian Moy
梁南山, 陳可瑛
孫蔚信, 何美玲
陳立煌, 何冰玲

求主賜福於每一新家庭, 早日加添他日的神國精兵。

5. 由七月二十一日起, 一連六週, 基督徒查經組暫停, 代之為三個研習班, 分別為:

6. 今年迎新會定於九月二十九日, 籌備計劃已經緊鼓密鑼進行, 想去年迎新會猶如 昨日, 套用文人術語可謂 "時光荏苒"。兩年前還有兩分天真, 三分稚氣的弟兄姐妹 已陸續負起了查經班許多工作, 真是一首活的讚美詩歌。迎新會不單是給新來的溫 暖的歡迎, 老大哥們也想起他們甜蜜的回憶, 想是數算恩典的時候了! 今年摘蘋果 旅行於十月七日, 有沒有想過, 莊稼熟了, 要差派誰作收割工人呢? 新來的朋友相 信在慕道中定不少, 我們都要作好的見證!

7. 新年度查經為馬太福音, 叫我們學習更像基督。

回想一年來在廣東組的事奉裏, 的確是發現及領受到神很多的恩典, 為此要再一次獻上感謝。

首先從自己方面說起, 一直以來, 我內心都有著小小的負擔, 要到廣東組去事奉, 可是內心上的害怕及軟弱, 往往成了自己的絆腳石。至到去年, 神真是為我開路, 給了我一個不能逃避的機會, 因為當時廣福組缺乏男同工。

起初面對著這班不信的朋友, 內心中的壓力很大, 雖然如此, 主還是為我們開路, 我們在每一次查經之前, 都有一次備查的時間, 在備查的時候, 我們通常是將已經 做好的要點再次綜合一番, 然後開始研究那班不信的朋友, 會在這段經文上產生一 些什麼的問題, 這通常是我們備查裡最難的一刻, 因為那班不是常來的朋友, 他們 對聖經的看法與我們有很大的不同, 所以他們很多時所問的問題, 是非常之難回答 , 不過從這裡我們又再一次看到神的信實, 因為神真是每一次都以很奇妙的方法去 為他們解答了那些問題, 有時是介其他弟兄姐妹的口, 也有時是介著下一句經文等 等。

此外, 我們每次在備查之後的禱告會, 是整個備查最重要的部份, 我們清楚知道, 在每次帶查經時所得的力量, 都是從不斷的禱告而來, 縱使有人在聖經上有很深的 智識及口才, 如缺乏從禱告中所求得聖靈的力量時, 在帶查經及傳福音的事上, 祇 可能做到表面化而矣。

回想這一班不信的朋友, 雖然有大部份祇是偶然間到來一聚, 但仍然看見神的作為 在其中幾位朋友的身上彰顯。當看見他們從不信而進入信的階段時, 我們真是能不 開口讚美感謝主嗎?

雖然廣福組內的幾位同工, 都因畢業及其他問題離開波士頓, 但神是信實的, 祂答 應過要帶領我們, 是不會使我們落空的。雖然有段時間感到人手不夠, 但現在介著 神的感動, 已經有幾位弟兄姐妹願意加入一起工作了。

這一年來的事奉, 使我在信心及愛心上學了一課。假使弟兄姐妹們真是有某一方面 的『懼怕』, 嘗試在那方面去事奉, 神是不會叫你們落空。

*註:『懼怕』一詞是指在某方面的事奉上有懼怕感。

這是今年度季刊的最末一期了。

論季刊的工作出力最多的是李少群, 陳瑞優等幾位弟兄姐妹, 三本厚厚的季刊都是 他們一筆一劃耕出來的, 一點抱怨也沒有, 這是真正謙遜的見證。雖然我們無法完 全表達我們感激的心, 我想我們在這裡謝謝他們亦是恰當。

每次季刊編輯前後都是我的靈命激蕩, 有許多領受和教訓。因為從十來份稿件中必 有兩份叫我思考的, 其中或是激勵, 或是叫我慚愧, 教我頌讚, 都增加我在主裏的 福氣, 因為我們的主是奇妙的, 思想祂的人必蒙引領。在這些稿件中我看到了弟兄 姐妹心底的話, 和主親自帶領的見證。我也看到許多弟兄姐妹愛查經班很深, 愛人 比愛自己還多。因此查經班和人的跌到, 失敗都使他們失望, 責之也愈切, 都是愛 心的誠實話。但我也看到人的軟弱, 多少次我們自己擺出了漫不在乎的樣子, 叫說 話的人痛心, 我想我們的主也痛心, 我們或是出於不自覺, 但那更顯得我們的驕傲 和愚昧。但感謝主, 有的時候我也分享了說話人的失望和痛心, 叫我想到主在十架 上也是受世人的漫不在乎, 也是向愚頑的傾倒真摯的愛。這都是屬靈的經驗, 卻是 以前我未認識的喜悅 - 一種屬靈的喜悅, 願頌讚歸給主。

有的時候, 拿著一份稿子, 我會問問假設站在非信徒立場的朋友會有什麼的反應, 許多時候得到的答案會叫我吃驚 - 似乎在許多問題上世人的理解比基督徒高明得 多。其實並非如此, 而是我們胡亂不加思考的接受了教條式的答案, 卻不去考究其 中的內蘊。我們的答案因而成了方便好省的一套『夫子曰』, 並沒有成為我們現實 的一部份, 更遑論榮神益人了。踏入今年, 主給了我一個啟示, 就是我們必須做思 想的基督徒, 要靠著聖靈懇切的追求聖道的真締。我想自己徒活了二十年, 我必須 將自己這些年來從神所領受的變為生活的現實, 那我就得將以前束諸高閣的疑團一 個個的對付。在此我必須感謝神, 因為當我將這些問題放在祂的面前, 祂叫我思考 , 當我得到解答的時候, 就如一股清流湧進我的心裏, 那闊別多年的屬靈感覺又回 來了。在此之前, 我接受了過份簡化的答案成為逃避問題的藉口, 卻常常叫我有種 自欺欺人的滿足, 叫我沒有了聆聽世人呼求的能力, 沒有了愛鄰舍的觸角。現在神 好像在說:『你若不去暸解我的心意, 你怎樣行我的道? 你不觀察我在世上行的事, 憑什麼見證我呢?』那是微小而悅耳的聲音。

談了許多, 還未入正題。

這一期本來是以向家人傳福音為主題, 但結果好幾位原定要為這中心思想執筆的都 遭遇了困難。誠然向家人見證是好難的事求主加添我們力量, 凡事都能。嚴格來說 , 今期只有一篇致父親的信和一篇小說環繞了主題, 但其他的稿件包括了得救的見 證, 和兩篇靈命得著的分享都是值得細心閱讀的。英文稿件中, 嚴立國的回臺日記 , 在平淡中見真誠, 看到了神和我們的關係是個人的。還有一篇名為"Missing Character" 的也叫我們反省一下我們對神國的責任。

最後, 也得謝謝各作者和所有的讀者。

『只是你們要行道，不要單單聽道，自己欺哄自己』

雅各書一章二十二節

It has been thirteen years since I last visited Ping Tung, and what I remember of it are the impressions left with a six year old boy: a stone house with a small shed behind it, a pet chicken, manure on the streets, numerous pedicabs and endless rows of rice paddies. Sometimes I wonder whether I was ever there because my memories seem like dreams, for dreams have certainly in sleep, but fade quickly when awakened. But now as the train nears Ping Tung, I feel that I have the opportunity to step back into the dream and possibly direct its outcome. The train crosses a bridge; my senses begin to focus. As I see, I began to hear; as I hear, I began to smell; the town begins to return to me.

A man greets me at the train depot, and puts my luggage on his motorcycle. From outside the station, I can see the center of Ping Tung. It is no longer the small country hamlet that once knew. Although the town has not altered its character, it has subtly changed. The pedicabs are still there, but they are motorized. The mud-brick walls are still there, but they are covered with advertisements. There are other changes that I notice, perhaps the greatest being that it is I who have changed, and at a pace that is faster than this town's.

Paradoxically, there is also a timeless quality about this place. It is part of the people. I see old faces and young faces. The young people have less in common with me than the old for the old also knew the Ping Tung I knew. But the young will have something in common with me, because although I will leave the town tomorrow, they will not and will continue to live in this place until I return so that we can share the experience of having once known this place as a particular point in time. That is the reason for my feeling that today is a homecoming. Ping Tung will always represent a place that I can return to.

We travel through the countryside and pass an ox-cart. I am somehow comforted by the sight of farmers and buffaloes. After spending two months of sophisticated living in Taipei, it is good for me to trade the pavement for a stretch of grass and soil. There are few trees and the road becomes a narrow isthmus running between wet fields. We continue for a while, and then turn off the road to stop at a small mud and brick house. From the water stains on the walls, I can tell that the typhoon had hit this area recently. There are a few dogs in front of the doorway.

Later we visit the elementary school where my brother and I attended first grade. I was not old enough to attend school since there was no kindergarten, so I followed my brother to class and audited first grade. If I remember correctly, the teachers would first instruct my brother, who would in turn teach me. In this manner, I learned the rudiments of the Chinese language, as well as how to tell time and how to tie my shoe-laces. To my surprise, several teachers remember Paul and me. We were the only students who could not speak Chinese, and apparently, there were many humorous incidents that involved our misinterpretation of our teacher's assignments.

The fourth grade class has just filed out into the courtyard area in order to rehearse a dance for a jubilee. There are several hundred students performing and they are all in uniform. The uniforms are symbolic of the rigorous type of education the children receive. There are classes six days a week, often starting from eight in the morning and ending at four in the afternoon. These children spend a good portion of their time in academics; sometimes preparing for their assignments, sometimes preparing for standard examinations that they will have to take in order to qualify for secondary schools. There seems to be a high degree of confidence in standard examinations as indicators for a student's potential because they can either open the doors to higher education or shut them.

A group of children laugh and giggle. They remind me that I was once a student here. But like certain species of fish, I have left this familiar area for different waters, traveling half-way around the earth before retracing my steps in order to return to the origin. The journey has taken thirteen years. Thirteen years. What can I say about these years? What can I say about this past year? Or for that matter, about the past three months in Taiwan?

When I left Boston three months ago, I headed for Taiwan seeking new adventure. I knew that I would be totally independent, and I knew that this experience would give me new freedom to examine many questions that I had. Therefore I looked forward to this experience as a vehicle that would help me to better understand myself and my God.

Unlike what I had anticipated, I began to experience my God in unusual ways. Like clay being pushed on a wheel toward the center by a potter's hand, I began to sense my God. Winding, turning, and oftentimes spinning away from the center, my three month pilgrimage has brought me to realize that it is God who directs the lives of men. Allowing us, if just for moments to experience the very center of our being - communion with Him and His people. Centering, is not an original metaphor, but I believe that it adequately describes my experiences. The people that I have met in Taiwan, the students that I have come to know, the church that I have attended have been part of this directing that has brought me to the center. And what is at the center? Merely, the understanding that it is God who is the potter.

If someone were to ask me what I saw in Taiwan that causes me to move toward the center, I would have to say that there were many causes. One in particular, is the observation of a God living in a community of believers. I saw many people live humble lives by choice because they knew a God who could satisfy desires. It is interesting to note that these people also seem to have fewer material desires so that they were able to find satisfaction in other forms. Worship was an internal part of these Christian student's lives, many of whom would get up at six o'clock in the morning in order to have regular prayers together. By living in this manner, these people have brought a new dimension to my understanding of God for He seems to be creating a totally universal family of Christian believers who are able to translate the teachers of Christ into their own tongue, their own culture, and their own lives.

The last place to visit before retiring for the evening is the Christian Hospital. It is located about a mile and a half from the center of town, and there is an elementary school adjacent to it. The hospital is a center for polio patients, and because of its convenient location, many of its younger patients are able to take special classes offered at the neighboring school.

There are several things about this hospital that make an impression on me. First, the hospital offers low-cost medical care to the rural population. Second, the hospital is understaffed and has a very limited amount of equipment. In order to compensate for this, the staff at the hospital must be as self reliant as possible by producing its own medicines, and by making its own braces and casts in workshops behind the main building. After touring the hospital I realize that it must be difficult to work in Ping Tung under these conditions. There are few incentives for being here. However, strangely, I do not detect a sense of loss or sacrifice in the people who work here. This is particularly puzzling since many of the physicians are foreign-born missionaries who have left either Europe or the US to live in Ping Tung. Evidently, they have learned to be content with what little this town has to offer. As I consider what things might satisfy these missionaries, a woman physician asks me to pray with her before I leave. We sit on a couch and close our eyes.

I thank God for allowing me to find Christian fellowship at church, at the university, and at this hospital in Ping Tung. God has provided for me good friends and companions while away from home, this is something that I am particularly grateful for because it is the first time that I traveled abroad my myself. The woman prays for the hospital patients and staff, and then she prays for my parents and for myself. It is a long prayer; her voice is gentle, yet firm. Her God is very close to her for she speaks very easily to Him. She continues to intercede for other people; she does not mention herself for her concerns are else where. She ends with a request that we might learn what it means to walk humbly with the Lord, our God. We close in Jesus's name and pronounce an amen. Neither of us speak for a while so that the silence remains unbroken. Then I leave the hospital remembering only the last words, "walk humbly with the Lord, your God".

R ading this, broth rs and sist rs (if not th   ditors) may
hav  an illusion that this sharing is ridiculously fill d with
typo- rrors. Pl as  don't b  discourag d by my brok n
typ writ r, for it is wh r  I hav  l arn d a l sson from.

F llowship is just lik  th  co-functioning of all th  k ys of
a typ writ r. No typ writ r k y can function alon , and y t b 
us ful or mak  s ns . No typ writ r is usabl  and valuabl 
without th  p rf ct coordination of  ach k y. It is through
th s  littl  's' & 'g' & '?' & ' ' that th  typ writ r 
fulfills th  r quir m nts of its typist.

Ar  all th  88 (usual numb r of k ys, NOT official statistics!)
k ys in our Bibl  Study Group working? Ar  w  utilizing ours lv s
in th  b st way to s rv  th  Lord? Tru  lov  & conc rn for on 
anoth r, constant b aring of  ach oth r's burd ns, consist nt
forgiving on  anoth r's faults, and actual r sponsibiliti s in
th  f llowship ar  all s rvic s to th  Lord. Our loving Typist
is mor  conc rn d with th  functioning ability of  ach &  v ry
k y, than th  app aranc  of th  prints. H  wants  v ry singl  on 
of th m to work tog th r as on , to s rv  Him and bring glory to
Him. So though I may only b  a minut  littl  '!' that do s not pop
up fr qu ntly h r  and th r , I am uniqu  and intrinsic in th 
 y s of th  Lord.

B for  I confus  you  v n mor  with this missing k y busin ss,
I'd lik  to shar  with you thr   v rs s from H br ws 11 (Ar n't you
glad that '1' is not th  on  missing?!):

L t us draw n ar with a tru  h art in full assuranc 
	of faith, ...
L t us hold fast th  conf ssion of our hop 
	without wav ring, for H  who promis d is
	faithful;
and l t us consid r how to stir up on  anoth r
	to lov  and good works,

I gu ss it is bad  nough to hav  on  non-functioning k y. I
shar  with you th  sam  frustration. But just imagin  th  pain &
disappointm nt of th  Typist  v ry tim  H  hit this malfunctioning k y. 
Ar  you this missing ' ' that is causing imp rf ctions to our f llowship, 
gri fs and distr ss s to th  Lord?

Reading this, brothers and sisters (if not the editors) may
have an illusion that this sharing is ridiculously filled with
typo-errors. Please don't be discouraged by my broken
typewriter, for it is where I have learned a lesson from.

Fellowship is just like the co-functioning of all the keys of
a typewriter. No typewriter key can function alone, and yet be
useful or make sense. No typewriter is usable and valuable
without the perfect coordination of each key. It is through
these little 's' & 'g' & '?' & ' ' that the typewriter 
fulfills the requirements of its typist.

Are all the 88 (usual number of keys, NOT official statistics!)
keys in our Bible Study Group working? Are we utilizing ourselves
in the best way to serve the Lord? True love & concern for one
another, constant bearing of each other's burdens, consistent
forgiving one another's faults, and actual responsibilities in
the fellowship are all services to the Lord. Our loving Typist
is more concerned with the functioning ability of each & every
key, than the appearance of the prints. He wants every single one
of them to work together as one, to serve Him and bring glory to
Him. So though I may only be a minute little '!' that does not pop
up frequently here and there, I am unique and intrinsic in the
eyes of the Lord.

Before I confuse you even more with this missing key business,
I'd like to share with you three verses from Hebrews 11 (Aren't you
glad that '1' is not the one missing?!):

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance
	of faith, ...
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope
	without wavering, for He who promised is
	faithful;
and let us consider how to stir up one another
	to love and good works,

I guess it is bad enough to have one non-functioning key. I
share with you the same frustration. But just imagine the pain &
disappointment of the Typist every time He hit this malfunctioning key. 
Are you this missing ' ' that is causing imperfections to our fellowship, 
griefs and distresses to the Lord?

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." - Matt. 22:37-39

The Great Commandment is often neglected among Christians. There is more of an emphasis placed in the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20) to be the theme of the average Christian life. Why? A possibility is that a successful evangelist bringing many souls to Christ always commands prestige, yet, not many people are honored as well for their actions of love.

The Great Commandment is the most important theme in the Bible. Since we are created in God's image, we are given something of God -- the capacity to appreciate and return love. However, since we are a fallen race, love is an impossibility, that is, we do not have the tendency to love. So, God gave the Great Commission because the Great Commandment was broken.

Not only is the Great Commission written in Matthew, but also it is mentioned in Mark 16:15, Luke 24:47-48, John 20:21, and Acts 1:8. In John 20:21, Jesus says, "As the Father has sent me, even so I send you." Jesus is our model; He identified with the sufferings of the human race, healing, comforting, and giving self-less service to others. (Notice that after He healed people, He didn't always preach to them).

It is far easier for us to preach the gospel than to love if we fully understand the Biblical definition of love. True love is death of self, as Jesus has done. Extremes have existed in the past: 1) the Social Gospel which excludes the necessity of salvation, and 2) rushed superficial soul-winning. Obviously, you can see quick results from preaching the Gospel, but it is difficult to see results from loving people. Our mistake has been over-emphasising man's downfall -- his need for redemption. We forget that God created man in His image for Him. Therefore, any man is worthy of our love because God gave every man value. Also, we are to love simply because God asks us to. If anything is done in obedience to God, no matter how small, then the act is very valuable.

If we are truly Christians, then love has to be our mark. Loving others is an expression of the Great Commission, which in turn is given provisions to love: 1) the cross, to stimulate love in us if we learn to spend time at the cross, 2) the Holy Spirit, whose fruit is love, 3) God's people, a community of love, and 4) scripture, which will rouse love.